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To justify the jokes that follow, we've decided to supply our readers with a history of French military engagements.

Q: Did you hear about the new French tanks?
A: They have 5 gears...4 in reverse, and one forward gear just in case they're attacked from behind!

Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q: What do the French call a direct hit on Paris by a nuclear device?
A: More proof that inspections are working.

Q: Why do they have trees in Paris?
A: So the Germans can march in the shade instead of the sun.

Q: How many Frenchmen would it take to defend Paris?
A: It's not known, it's never been tried.

Q: Why is good to be French?
A: You can surrender at the beginning of the war, and US will win it for you.

Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II?
A: Not enough.

Q: What does "Maginot" mean in English?
A: Welcome!

Q. What do you do if you see 90,000,000 dead Frenchmen?
A. Stop laughing and re-load!!

Q: What do you call 20 dead Frenchmen in the back of a lorry?
A: A good days hunting.

Q: What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A: You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q: Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?
A: So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: Why are the French so afraid of war?
A: You would be too if you never won one in your history.

Q: What is the first thing you are taught when joining the French army?
A: To say "I surrender" in German.

Q: What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A: The Army.

Q: Why was Jesus not born in France?
A: Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

Q: What do you call a Frenchman with an IQ of 120?
A: A village.

Q: Did you hear about France's new weapons contracts?
A: They gave one to Ace Hardware to produce 250,000 wood sticks...they are still looking for a company to produce 250,000 little white flags.

Q: Where are the brave French soldiers buried?
A: There aren't any so they had to bury some of ours on their soil.

Q: How do they separate the men from the boys in the French Foreign Legion?
A: Crowbar.

Q: Why does the new French navy have glass-bottomed boats?
A: So they can see the old French navy.

Q: Why do they call it the French Foreign Legion?
A: Because no one from France is willing to fight.

A French rifle is for sale on eBay. It's never been fired but I heard it's been dropped once.

A motivational picture on surrendering.

A great editorial cartoon of France receiving its due reward.

Someone is looking to get rid of this French clock.

President Bush and the French ambassador to the U.N. were debating the Iraqi crisis. The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't stop Hussein soon, he will obtain nuclear weapons. He further explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the madman could result in a bloodbath. The French ambassador, although, did not understand. It seems there is no word for "bath" in French.

Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and an American are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, " says the genie. The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in America." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in America was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

During one of the many wars between the British and the Spanish, a French admiral was an observer aboard a British man o' war. One morning the lookout sighted the Spanish Armada coming over the horizon and sounded out the alarm. The British admiral sent for his yeoman and instructed him to fetch his scarlet red vest. The French admiral who was standing nearby asked, "Admiral, what is this scarlet vest for?" The British admiral replied, "If I am wounded in the upcoming battle, the vest will hide my blood so that the crew will not know that I have been wounded and will continue to fight." The French admiral thought about this a moment and called to his yeoman, "Hurry and fetch my brown trousers!"